I don’t have a girlfriend and it is not my fault.


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I couldn’t make a girl friend and its not because I lacked some quality to have one. But the reason is deep entrenched in attitude of patriarchal society. I have valid arguments in this regard.

My schooling was from a Sainik School and it was and still is ‘only boys’ school prohibiting admission of girls. One well accepted reason to establish Sainik School is to prepare young children with military attitude to better fulfil need of India Armed Forces. And everyone know that until recently women didn’t had permanent commission in our Armed Forces. When Armed Forces is deemed to be place of only men then Sainik School was also deemed to be training school only for boys. The school is strictly prohibited for girls; how could I interact with one? The school days went in the status of ‘Single’.

Then I was lucky enough to get into the then Indian School of Mines, Dhanbad (IIT-ISM, Dhanbad) in the Branch of Mining Engineering. Though not enough tough like Military but it is not an easy industry too. In this institute too entry of girl student to discipline of Mining engineering was strictly prohibited (from the admission session of 2016 I think the prohibition had been lifted), though IIT KGP and IIT BHU allowed admission of girls in Mining Discipline. In this institute also the problem was of gender stereotype and patriarchal attitude that women can’t work in mining industry, it is highly male dominated; they will risk their security and safety and all; Better to prohibit their entry. It was a all boy classroom.

Yes, you may ask question why didn’t you made one from another branch….
I accepts my fault… I was not so fast, as my batchmates were… I had some different priority which they didn’t had….. it was ‘Society’.

But, my this weakness doesn’t hide away gender discrimination which society is subjecting over on education of girl children. However fast I would have been to make a girlfriend, I wouldn’t had enough fast to win a race with 400 boys for just 20 girls, only 20 of my batchmate succeeded. Yes, the ratio for girls to boys in my institute or rather every good institutes was 20:400  i.e 1 in 20. And this is something shameful for the society. We didn’t promote girls’ education equally as that of boys’ education. This ratio is still valid. It can’t be assumed that intelligence of girl is less than that of boy, but opportunity available with girl for higher/advance learning is surely less. In absence of gender discrimination, gender stereotyping and all such gender related crabs there would have been one to one ratio for boys and girls and there would been one ‘she’ for me, I didn’t would had to make any effort to get her. But societies’ patriarchal attitude bereft me of a girl friend.

Nothing achieved in college days.

Yes, I got opportunity to interact with girls in other social gatherings…. but I am also a part of society designed and structured by its gender stereotypes. Instead of  gender sensitivity I was more taught gender untouchability…. Stay away from opposite sex… Don’t interact with them…. In many social gathering they seemed to be alien…. Not to talk…. Actually we didn’t know how to talk with them, how to behave with them, how to interact with them…. For me, it was better to stay away from them!!!

Further, caste obligations imposed upon us by family and communities ensured I doesn’t cross the limit in seeking a girlfriend.

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So hereby the youthful age to have a girl friend lost forever, may be I have a better luck in next life.

But, it depends in which direction patriarchal attitude of society moves…

Whether society improve over gender discrimination or it further worsen to further decline Child Sex ratio below 911… (As per the Census, 2011 the child sex ratio (0-6 years) has shown a decline from 927 females per thousand males in 2001 to 919 females per thousand males in 2011).

If this happens then … Ghar walon ko bhi shaadi ke lie larki nahi mil paegi!!!

So, I am ashamed not because I don’t have a girl friend but of the cause as to why I don’t have a girlfriend. Ashamed of gender biases, gender discrimination and gender stereotyping.

The only thing I could do now is to strive to make a gender balanced society for better future of my next generations.

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Posted on February 14, 2017, in Social issues.. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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